My Story

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

by Lesley Ann Burns on Tuesday, 02 November 2010 at 22:31

In 1989 I met my abuser, Cliff Holmes. We married in 1990, with no problems up until then. I was told by his family that he had been "trapped" at the age of 18 by a local girl, who became pregnant by him and that any anger he had was born out of that deciet. I believed them, so that on us having our first "fight" and me experiencing my first bout of Domestic Violence he had his excuse and it was believable to me.
We were classed as a young middle class couple, we lived in a detached property and he had a good job at Sellafield.
The abuse began with small things, which I would relate to being more mental abuse than anything else. He would call me names, usually "Slag, Bitch, Whore" etc. Then in a fit of rage he would smash my things, rip my clothes, lock me in the house etc. He wanted me to dress slutty for him and would touch me in my private area infront of friends and family. He had affairs. As time went by the abuse was constant, belittling, embarrassing, humiliation etc. Then one day in a rage, during an arguement he pinned me down and raped me infront of our 18 month old son. I was devastated beyond belief, words cannot describe it.
I went back to him as I had no where else to go and was reduced to a no-body by his actions. I just wanted him to stop and be normal. He begged me to return to him every time, always sobbing and appologising to me, saying it would never happen again. He raped me again two more times, in bed, after I made it clear to him I didn't want to have sex with him.
I fell pregnant again and when our daughter was 3 months old I got Post Natal Depression, I ended up in hospital on having a nervous breakdown. I had an affair and left him. I must admit I enjoyed watching him beg me on his knees to stay with him, crying and being pathetic, in a revenge for what he did to me and our children. He lost his access to our children through the children courts because he would not leave me alone on picking up the children, his abuse continued for 4 years after i left him, due to his access to our children. I allowed access as I wanted our children to have a relationship with him. The courts stopped the access.
I have been away from him now for 14 years and I am now re-married to a wonderfull man, who I adore.
This year I reported my rapes to the Police, my ex was arrested, but of course being the coward he is denied it, he even got his Sister and ex-wife to offer to write a character reference for him, which at the end of the day are relying on his lies and won't even realise he is lying to them, by denying it happened. My kids asked what he did and I sat them down and told them, which was awful for us all, I wouldn't wish that on anyonel. The CPS are not taking it any further as it is his word againt mine, but at least it is on his record and when he does it again, he won't be able to hide behind anyone else, his new victim will be more believed.So I have won my next step and I am proud of myself I did it, coz it was awfull having to tell the police in detail what he did.
My ex, has just recently remarried, another "lamb to the slaughter", his family (and one "friend") know exactly what he is and what he is capable of, yet they cover it up and attend his wedding knowing his new wife has no clue as to what he IS capable of. His own Sister told me once how he attacked her when they were teenagers, but she has since denied she ever told me that. I am lucky, I am a Surviver. Poor "Laura" has no clue, but I fear she will find out. I have been painted a liar so he can move onto his next victim. How shamefull can people get?
I guess I will now be the "excuse" his family will now use to Laura when he starts abusing her.
His family dis-owned me and their Grandchildren (Neice, Nephew), as protecting him seemed more important. My children have never even recieved a birthday card from them.
I haved moved on as I am moving towards "forgiveness", but I WILL NEVER FORGET and I will die telling my story in an attempt to prevent anyone else go through what I went through. They will not silence me, unless he admits to everything he did to me and our children and seeks help.