Who Is The Abuser?

Who is the Abuser? After the more dramatic and publicised Domestic Abuse stories hit the headlines, one often hears comments such as "what sort of Monster would do that" or "Nobody I know would do that sort of thing!". The assumption seems to be that all abuser walk around with a big A for 'abuser' on their forehead, are easily discernable by anyone 'normal' and always comply with the stereotypical image. In actual fact one of the main problems encountered by victims, friends, family and various agencies dealing with the consequences of an abusive relationship, is how 'normal' the abuser seemed, how unlike the image so frequently portrayed by the media. We may expect an abuser to be male, big, working-class, prone to being drunk, un-shaven, heterosexual, ... (fill in the blanks!). However, an abuser is just as likely to be gay, a white-collar worker, a religious leader or clean-shaven. Sometimes the abuser is also a woman. In this section of Hidden Hurt I am trying to address the question of who the abuser actually is, are there any tell-tale signs which could indicate an abusive personality, how does an abusive relationship actually work, if you think you may abusive, where do you get help, and above all, why does one person abuse another, and is there any hope of the abuse stopping? Please click on the links below for some of the answers to these questions. Warning Signs of an Abusive Personality The Dynamics of Abuse - including the Cycle of Abuse and the Wheel of Power and Control I think I may be abusive ... what can I do? The Dominator - provided by Pat Craven who runs The Freedom Programme © - NEW (March 2007) How To Tell They are Not Changing Their Abusive Behavior - on the Rhiannon3 site (US) Mr Wrong and Mr Right - provided by Pat Craven who runs The Freedom Programme © - NEW (February 2007) What about alcohol and domestic abuse? - NEW (June 2007)